Asi Asi

Yikes. These days are being followed with intense repetition. In every aspect. Boredom is coming these days out of a mental no-stimulation-prospect, instead of the fancier "I have nothing to do". I get high and I have two choices:

A. Watch something on the Internet, I.E. a movie that is deemed "good" enough to be streamed online, Netflix which seems to be aiight but you gotta pay, or visit Hulu- but that only is applicable when the shows are actually new, since they can't stream more than 5 episodes of the shit I wanna watch.

B. Sit and stare at a wall.
I've done both such a number of times it's become a ridiculous science. Sure, I've watched a lot of movies I've enjoyed, but watching 3-4 movies a day just makes me feel so... sludgey, my brain is itching for more stimulus and excitement- nothing that Krull couldn't do, but still.

I miss math. You may scream to yourself, WTF?!?! but I actually do. It made my brain feel good, and I felt like I understand a lot about the world... of mathematics that is. I miss finding what the fuck X = to???? I miss trial and error, the accomplishment of solving something with the quadratic formula... Agh, I miss my mind!
I just don't have anything to do, that I wanna do. I want to paint. but I have no paints, nor the money required to purchase so. I wanna go camping, but alas, the same problem arises. I want to listen to records and hookah. I want to smoke a shit ton of weed with Travis. I want to clean a very disgusting house. I want to go to another country and learn another language. I want to work at Starbucks again (why? I dunno...) I want to see a movie in the theater. I want to go out to eat. I want to hang out with my mom. I want a cat. I really wanna trip lucy sometime. I want to read a damn good book- perhaps revisit some of my favorite Stephen King. I want to kiss someone, anyone really. I want a cell phone, one that actually just works. I want a lot of stuff, that I'm not going to get. But I'll be okay. I just don't want my mind to wonder, my toes to itch, and the sadness inside my heart to thrive. Everything started getting a whole lot more complicated the second I decided to open my eyes. But I'm glad I did.

Yuck. I don't know what to do today. The same shit I do everyday. Going to go sell some shit in hopes of a monetary gain in some factor. God, is this what my life has become? So ridiculous, I ponder about, this life I live. When will the checks cash themselves? When can I feel safe enough to love again? Everything must be a question.

I got a job. That's all I truly needed as of late. I still need a friend. Like, a good one, ya dig? I still need my mind to come back to me. I still need my Travis.