Night Time

I sit around, and look to all my sides. I have nothing but "should have's" and "coulda's" knocking on my door. The disbelief starts at the tip of my head, where my thick ginger roots can feel the tingle of fate blowing air down my spine. It spreads like the plague, exponentially reaching my feet which are curled up inside applesauce style.
What could I have done differently?
What did I do wrong?
Life. Everything about the idea of that word gets me into a stupor of rage and fits- I don't comprehend anything anymore, I'm struggling to define my own rapture, but I just can't believe this is what it has become.
I need stability. A fresh outlook on a nihilistic approach. I wish I had someone to guide me, someone to show me the way. But I've been alone for so long now. I feel so old. Matured. Fermented.
I play the waiting game with such ease these days. I have no anger. Sit sit sit, wait wait wait. Give me a gold medal, because I have truly mastered this shit. I am just waiting for someone to rescue me. Something to alter my state of life as it is, change the foundation that I walk upon- uproot this carnivorous timeline of repetition & repetition. I am a deep sea fish without his freakish glowing ability and for some reason my boyance is off! I am floating to the surface, the light, and I am fucked. Goodbye underwater world, your darkness was comforting and numbing. To the shallow waters I'm destined to be, and perish shall I when the tide sinks low.
I am parched beyond all belief. Thirsty.
So many questions running around in my head- in schizophrenic circles, scattergories of sorts. I love how a plant can give you the willpower to live, but a silly boy is destined to break your heart. Funny how things work.
As the crow flies, as the crow flies
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